Thursday, April 26, 2007 ;
10:56 PM
Today was a fucking shit day. period. Was pissed off throughout the whole day cause of certain reasons. Got even more pissed at the end of the day. zzz. horrible day. Lets hope tomorrow will be a better day. How cliche hur. Sigh. On a sidenote, as i was emo-ing and stoning on the bus cause of the shitty stuff tat happened the day be4 and today, many thoughts went rushing through my mind as i listened to the songs be yourself by Audioslave and I dont want to be ( One Tree Hill theme song ) by Gavin Degraw. Many a times in life, most of us had tried our very best to be the person other people expect us to be. But who are we really deep inside? ME in class today was extremely boring, but coincidentally ( i guess ), we were discussing about the person we really are. As i remembered when i was young, i was an extremely hyperactive young kid during primary school. I recalled the countless times that my teacher had to ask me to shut up and sit down every single day during lessons. I was the joker and the "kai xin guo" of the class during pri 1-4. But towards pri 5-6, i became kinda introvert. What caused the change? Till now, i dont really have a clear idea of how and what made me change to who am i now. Ever since then, i always had really really really low confidence in every single thing. As i grown to become more self aware of myself, i tried my best to change from the nerdy-looking me to the okay-looking guy i am now. As my looks change for the better ( i hope ), my inner self didnt change at all. Not even a single bit. As such, i like to keep things to myself, sitting down at 1 side daydreaming, or just plain stoning. So who am i really? Deep inside, am i the outspoken, friendly, chatty person i am when i was a young kid? Or am i the emotional, easily depressed, quiet, or maybe a loner? Sigh. I will never know for sure, will i? I was asked quite some thing ago, something about ur "ben xing". So wats my "ben xing" really? If they say u can never change ur "ben xing", then why am i who i am now. Why arent i the happy-go-lucky kid as i was before? Argggh. This question had been running through my mind for the whole of today. And the matter that made me so pissed and upset didnt helped much at all. Man, it sure feels a little better after ranting all the shit out. Ahhh! Guys, sorry for such a random and boring and dumb post after not updating for such a long while. I...just didnt know what to write. Things in life just aint going smoothly as i hoped it will. Sigh. Alright. Shant ponder over these senseless stuff and go to bed now. Gd night everyone. Toodles.
every day is a new day :)
