This is my life

2007-07-23T16:21:00.000+08:00

Hmmm. I know this post seems a little late. but...

I SCREWED MY COMMON TEST!

...

shit

2007-06-01T19:00:00.000+08:00

Boy. Today was quite a day for me. It started out like every other school holiday, spending most of my time on my computer and occasionally studying for 1-3 hours. Then, my mum brought home the newspaper for today. She showed me the article in which a university grad who died recently because of playing too much computer games that resulted in some sickness. I was. damn shocked. and scared. From the newspaper article, i realise some of the symptons i felt recently was quite similar to wat was written. I panicked. My parents panicked too. My parents called me for a prayer in the living room. It was just like any other prayers every morning before i go to sch. Except that, now, my mum was crying as she prayed for me. And it just hit me hard tat instant.

Throughout my life, i'd always thought my parents didnt care for me, not even a little. At some point of time, i even thought that, i wasnt really their child, perhaps i was just some baby they adopted from some orphanage. I felt extreme guilt and remorse. Maybe it wasnt that my parents didnt care for me enough. Maybe it was just me, denying their right into my life, shutting them out completely. Sigh. Dad and mum, im really sorry for all these years. The times when i hollered at you guys, slammed the door shut in ur face, or simply just ignored every little conversation u attempted to start with me. I had been a really really terrible child. And for that, im really really sorry. I know no amount of sorrys can compensate on the hurt that i caused you guys to go through. Thus, i promise from today onwards, i will spend lesser time on my computer, and spend more time talking and going out with you guys. Please give me another chance to prove it to you guys ok?

It aint just my parents whom i neglected after getting addicted to my computer. My friends, church, my favourite sport basketball, had all been dumped aside because of my addiction to the computer. Because of my addiction to my computer, even when my friends asked me out, i will always tell them im busy although in actual fact, i just wanted to play my computer games. To those friends whom i pangseh-ed these years, im really sorry. Things will change alright? i promise.

I too had missed out on my church life after getting addicted. The addiction got so bad that i had missed church for like the entire of this year. People from church had constantly reminded me to go for fellowships again and again, but i just refused to heed their words. Guys, im really sorry for pangseh-ing u all in church. I promise i will start going regularly for church every saturday alright? Starting from tomorrow, the jie mei zhou =)

I used to play basketball for at least 5 hours every day from pri 6 to sec 2. After getting addicted to my computer, i began to spend lesser and lesser time on my favourite sport. Those were the days when i cant spend even a day without playing basketball. Sigh. I realise how much my fitness and stamina suffered after quiting basketball for sucha long time. Although i may not have the luxury to play basketball 5 hours a day every single day now, i will cut down on the time i spend on my computer, and exercise more regularly like i used to in the past.

Sigh. It sure feels good confiding in my blog once again. I promise from this very day, 1st june 2007, i will spend lesser time on my computer, to treat my parents much much nicer than before, to communicate nicely with them, to spend more time going out with my friends, to go to church more regularly, and to spend more time playing basketball.

God, thanks for giving me the chance to live to this very day, despite the fact that i too had spend countless of hours in front of my com every single day. I will cherish the life u had given me more from now on, on more meaningful things in life. Im really sorry for neglecting my life because of my computer. I will live my life the way u want me to do so Lord. Amen.

Well. I shall end off here for now. My apologies for yet another long and dry post. Cya around guys. =)

2007-05-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong, good and bad, truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable? Left to interpretation, gray? Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth... transform it... because we are faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes, things simply catch up to us." quoted from the voiceover by lucas in one tree hill season 4 x 18, the finale for season 4!

Aint one tree hill quotes just make ya ponder over the things that happens through your life?

Lately, its been really shitty and a real bummer to go to school every single day. With hardly any motivation at all, its tough having to survive a whole full day of crap in school. Sigh. Things had been pretty bad ever since the start of term 2. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction and im just totally lost once again. Its not that i dun wanna open up to the rest of the class, its just that i cant do it no matter how much i try to. I guess i just need more time to interact with the rest of the class. Its nearing the end of the term soon and im seriously dreading the upcoming hols as it only means that i HAVE to start mugging real hard for the common tests right after the sch hols. Man, this gonna be the longgggggggggessssssttttt june hols ever. Well, not that i have a choice anw.

I seriously dont understand why am i being treated this way. Cant we be friends like we were before? Why does things have to change just because u know about the truth. I aint sure that you even really know about the truth but i just presume u do from the attitude i had been getting from ya for the past few weeks, perhaps even months.

And to YOU, seriously, stop treating as if im invisible. I thought we could have become pretty decent friends via the things we had shared with each other before u started ignoring me like nobody's business. It just hurts like fuck the way we are now. Cant we just talk to each other again? Is it really that hard for ya to do that again? Sigh. Stop ignoring me alright? Life's been a bitch and it aint gonna be any better till i get ya back where i can talk to you again. So please, dont ignore me anymore alright?

Anw guys, i know no one ever read my blog again due to the lack of posts most of the time but yeah, sorry for another frustarted, emo, angry post. I nid this place for me to rant before i burst one day. Sigh. Im off to bed. Gd night everyone.

2007-05-20T00:38:00.000+08:00

I was going to blog like on my birthday but i couldnt as blogger was giving me problems as usual. so yeah. here i am now.

For the past few days, as my birthday draws near, i had a niggling feeling inside me that this was going to be the worst birthday ever. I had absolutely no idea why the heck i was feeling this way, but yeah, it was just some weird feeling that i had.
Today was the fifth of May. I was bumming around the house as usual, playing the com and watching teeeveeeee. Had a short nap from roughly 4-7? When i woke up at 7pm, BOY. Was i damn shocked. Right in the living room, there was like...at least 15-20 ppl from church???!!! Hell. I got the shock of my life. I was still clad in my sji pe shirt and shorts when most of them saw me la. It was quite paiseh, i must say. lol. Had a quick change, and my birthday celebrations began. We started singing some church hyymmmss and just sat around, kinda catching on with some of them whom i haven seen in ages. Had a really nice talk in my room with peeps from my batch. It was great seeing them again and it was just like how kinda close we were in the past. Was kinda surprised and sad when i was told that most of the peeps from my batch had hidden gone MIA ( just like me =x ) or they had changed to other churches. Sigh. And yeah, i got taupok by i tink 7 guys or more? couldnt really count as i got slammed to the ground pretty quickly after my mum warned the guys that my bed cant really hold too many ppl. Man, it was like...@$%@)$^($@)^(@^)@! The total weight of the guys could have amount to at least 500kg? HAHAHAHA. But it was alright i guess. =DDD

And guys, sorry for not really getting that high with the rest of you cause i was totally and i mean TOTALLY damn shocked throughout the whole birthday celebrations. My mum kept it from me for the whole day till you guys came to my house. Thanks alot for the cards and bball attire! I was honestly quite touched after reading through the cards. =) Thanks for the dumb-bell too ( weiwen, shuhan, chenwei ). Though im pretty sure im strong enough to lift a dumb-bell heavier than 1kg. LOL. Am i tat weak to u guys. wth. hahahahaha. Thanks to all who had made my birthday celebrations so meaningful and memorable. For once, perhaps, this could be the birthday, that i will remember for a very very very long time =)))

Anw, sorry for not going to church for sucha longgggggggggggggggggggggggg time. I kinda lost the motivation to go church anymore. BUT! i will be back realllllllll soon i promise! and this time for gd! But that will be like another 2 weeks at least till i get my new contact lens. So yeah, bear with me awhile longer k! Thanks man =D

2007-04-26T22:56:00.001+08:00

Today was a fucking shit day. period. Was pissed off throughout the whole day cause of certain reasons. Got even more pissed at the end of the day. zzz. horrible day. Lets hope tomorrow will be a better day. How cliche hur. Sigh.

On a sidenote, as i was emo-ing and stoning on the bus cause of the shitty stuff tat happened the day be4 and today, many thoughts went rushing through my mind as i listened to the songs be yourself by Audioslave and I dont want to be ( One Tree Hill theme song ) by Gavin Degraw. Many a times in life, most of us had tried our very best to be the person other people expect us to be. But who are we really deep inside? ME in class today was extremely boring, but coincidentally ( i guess ), we were discussing about the person we really are. As i remembered when i was young, i was an extremely hyperactive young kid during primary school. I recalled the countless times that my teacher had to ask me to shut up and sit down every single day during lessons. I was the joker and the "kai xin guo" of the class during pri 1-4. But towards pri 5-6, i became kinda introvert. What caused the change? Till now, i dont really have a clear idea of how and what made me change to who am i now. Ever since then, i always had really really really low confidence in every single thing. As i grown to become more self aware of myself, i tried my best to change from the nerdy-looking me to the okay-looking guy i am now. As my looks change for the better ( i hope ), my inner self didnt change at all. Not even a single bit. As such, i like to keep things to myself, sitting down at 1 side daydreaming, or just plain stoning.

So who am i really? Deep inside, am i the outspoken, friendly, chatty person i am when i was a young kid? Or am i the emotional, easily depressed, quiet, or maybe a loner? Sigh. I will never know for sure, will i? I was asked quite some thing ago, something about ur "ben xing". So wats my "ben xing" really? If they say u can never change ur "ben xing", then why am i who i am now. Why arent i the happy-go-lucky kid as i was before? Argggh. This question had been running through my mind for the whole of today. And the matter that made me so pissed and upset didnt helped much at all. Man, it sure feels a little better after ranting all the shit out. Ahhh!

Guys, sorry for such a random and boring and dumb post after not updating for such a long while. I...just didnt know what to write. Things in life just aint going smoothly as i hoped it will. Sigh. Alright. Shant ponder over these senseless stuff and go to bed now. Gd night everyone. Toodles.

ahhhh...big fat disappointment

2007-03-19T19:51:00.002+08:00

Its official. The 2nd intake class posting was out today. And it was damn freaking disappointing. None of my cg mates who took back the same combi now are in the same class with me. NONE. Sigh. This just sucks big time. As such, i was in a pretty bad and grumpy mood throughout the whole day. Though i had expected her to be in a different class from me, i thought that i will be in the same class again with at least a few of them who didnt do as well as her. But. This wasnt the case afterall.

I guess thats that then. Nothing can be changed anymore. Just hafta accept the fact that this is final and thats nothing i can do about it. Sigh. Although the first 3 months was short, i had a really enjoyable time just being with you guys. Samantha, Alicia, Chelza, Michelle, Xingyi, Tammy, Ruiqi, Quanjun, Joel, Sherwin, Jiahan and the rest of cg07s26, lets keep in touch even after we split classes k. Lets not forget the times we talk cock in the cafe, looking at guys -.-" and gerls too, playing cards together ( though we got caught =x ), playing basketball =D, and the few fun cg outings that we had. =)

Lastly, wish ya all the best for the upcoming terms as it aint gonna be so laidback compared to what you guys had experienced during the first intake. Study hard yeah! Take care and cya peeps around school =)

2007-03-18T00:40:00.000+08:00

I FINISHED WATCHING 119 EPISODES OF BLEACH IN 5 DAYS! WOOO =x

HAIR!

2007-03-09T13:32:00.000+08:00

I HATE MY NEW HAIR!

2007-03-02T05:50:00.000+08:00

Guys, this will be a really boring and dry post so bear with me alright?

To all those who know me, u will know that i suffer from terrible puking sensations and stomachache every single morning. ( thats the main reason why my face is always so black and dao on the bus on the way to school as it aint easy trying to maintain a normal face while im controlling myself from actually puking on the bus ) I always had stomachpain problems since i was young but it was only up till the recent 2-3 yrs that i began to suffer from puking spells almost every morning. At first, i dismiss it as being car-sick or bus-sick as i had to endure a long 50 mins bus ride to school every morning. But lately, even as i woke up early in the morning, the puking spells are already there. And this year, it had worsen to the point that i can even feel like puking throughout the whole day. Throughout these years, i didnt have the guts to see a doctor and seek professional help as i didnt want to know if i had something real bad like cancer or something. But today, my mum finally pursuaded me to go and c a doctor and for once, i wanna know once and for all, what the heck is wrong with me exactly?

I'd always thought "aiyah, get cancer then cancer luh, its no big deal anw. Everyone has to die in life. Its just a case of whether u die earlier or later." I guess this is largely because i dont really have any concrete dreams in life which i can possibly fight on. But as i lie down on my bed just now and ponder over what may the doctor say later, i realise how much i didnt want to die now. This year had been a really good year for me, despite being a retainee and all, at least my classmates treated me as an equal and not as some retainee freak or something. Although we do not know each other for a really long period of time, it had been great just hanging around with you guys, gambling, going out ( just 2 times) and just sitting around loooking at j2 guys in the canteen. ha. I do not know at this point of time if i had made an impact in you guys life, but to me, you guys had certainly made an impact in my life, be it small or big. So far in my very short life, i'd always been an introvert and find it extremely hard to mix around or open up myself to people as i simply lack the self confidence to do so. So to be able to open up to you people from my class in like less than a month had been a really big achievement for me. IF the doctor comments later turn out to be really negative, and i dont have long to live, the people i will miss most will certainly be you guys. IF i had the chance to choose how long i can live, i would really want to live for at least till the end of this year, and have the chance to really get to know you guys much better.

Alright. Im off to c the doc in like 1 hour time. Wish me luck alright? Wish that it wont be anything too serious. =((( Sorry for typing such a emo post. I really needed somewhere i can rant and grumble about. Thanks =(

Summary of One Tree Hill!

2007-02-25T02:36:00.001+08:00

Aside from a love for hoops, it seemed that Lucas and Nathan were two young men with little in common, but they were bound by the fact that they share the same father. The star of the high school basketball team, Nathan was raised to inherit is father's throne amidst popularity and wealth, while his half-brother Lucas was raised amidst modest surroundings, the only child of a single mom.

As season four unfolds, everyone deals with the immediate aftermath of the accident, and the many questions to be answered. Who will survive the accident and how will it affect their lives? In whose purse did Lucas find a pregnancy test at the wedding & could Peyton, Rachel, Brooke or Haley be hiding a secret? And with graduation around the corner, will the end of high school also mean an end to the relationships forged over the last few years, or the beginning of new alliances?

Sidelined by his heart condition, Lucas has to choose between his future and his sense of duty: to go to college or to stay and help his mother raise Keith's baby. Will he be able to repair his relationship with Brooke, or will he find comfort by returning to Peyton?

Having moved out of Peyton's house, Brooke must first find a place to live in order to finish her senior year in Tree Hill. She also must decide the future of her relationship with Lucas. Can she see past his kiss with Peyton and Peyton's feelings for him? She will form a surprising friendship with her former archenemy, party-girl Rachel, a relationship that might spell the end of her lifelong friendship with Peyton.

Will Peyton respect Brooke's relationship with Lucas, or will she grow tired of being "just friends" with Lucas and tell him how she really feels? Or, after discovering a letter from Ellie that contains a stunning revelation, will Peyton find herself consumed by a new relationship that could take her away from Lucas forever?

Meanwhile, Karen must consider her future without Keith, and the responsibility of being a single parent for the second time. Although Dan says that he wants to be there for Karen and her baby, can she ever forgive him or trust him enough to accept his help? Dan's guilt over murdering his brother is overwhelming and while he will try to atone for his sins, he also must deal with taunting clues left by someone who knows his secret. Finally, terrified that Dan will retaliate against her, Deb will struggle with her sobriety, the terrible residual silence of her divorce from Dan, and the absence of Nathan. For Deb, the devil makes work for idle hands.

The journeys of the people who inhabit Tree Hill have been vast, from Lucas's tentative steps off the river court into high school popularity, from Nathan and Haley's first kiss to marriage, from Peyton and Brooke's deep friendship to their estrangement. But in other ways, the journey has only just begun. Where will the roads lead them? And who will they be when they reach their destination? The answers lie in a place called Tree Hill.

Yep. Thats about the summary of what One Tree Hill is about! In short, its a touching heartfelt show about teenagers trying to discover who they really are deep inside through whatever passion and dreams they may pursue in life, and the difficulties they will face in everyday life be it with school, relationships, stress and many more. Anyone whose interested to watch it, you can always go surf for the episodes on youtube! You will be surprised how addictive youtube is. Heh. =)

And the theme song for One Tree Hill is by Gavin Degraw " I dont wanna be"

Part of the lyrics

I don't want to be

Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

Its 2.44am in the morning and i just had the urge to blog. hurhur. anw, gd night everybody! and take care =DDD

2007-02-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

Quotes from One Tree Hill Season 4 : Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers :

"Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives, or if the moments in our lives make us?"

"If you could go back and just change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment. One moment that you've always wanted back? "

Been missing HER real badly lately.
This feeling just sucks hard man.
Sigh.

2007-02-10T00:52:00.000+08:00

hey people! im back again. Been feeling down in the pits the past few days but its alright now. I guess. I just have to learn how to take certain things less seriously so that i will be a happier person. =)

Anw, just watched the latest episode of One Tree Hill on youtube! The series are getting better and better with each episodes and its really a shame that its gonna end soon! sigh. In this episode, the students of One Tree Hill High were given an assignment in which they randomly choose a person from the class and spend a period together in which they will learn more about each other before graduation. The class assignment reveals the deepest secrets and desires of the students.

And for some reason or another, this episode really got me thinking. In my many years of schooling, i had many friends, classmates. I got really close to some of them cause they were similar to me, one way or another, and perhaps thats why i chose to stick and hang around with them. While for some others, i didnt. Come to think of it, what exactly were the reasons or the fears i had that stopped me from interacting with them? Was it their outer apperances? Or was it just that i simply didnt have that courage to get to know these people whom i neglected in my life? People who may seem a little different from wat they seem to be on the outside, but yet perhaps they may be pretty nice and friendly people afterall. People whom i didnt gave a chance, either to them or to myself, a chance that may have changed our life. I know i may sound very exaggarated, but truth to be told, who knows for sure that it wont? Many things and people in our life, whom we thought were to be insignificant may be what we will miss the most as we look back at our life in the future.

AHHH! i tink im ranting too much. Anw, here are the insightful quotes from the episode =)

"You ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school, one year, an eight week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week or a single day? We're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead but when you're young, one hour can change everything."

=)))

...

2007-02-07T22:21:00.001+08:00

sigh.

For the past few days, i've been feeling kinda emo and miserable.

Its bad.

Its really really bad.

sigh =(

2007-01-28T18:04:00.000+08:00

One Tree Hill 4X11 : Resolve

" Sometimes pain become such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there, because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day u feel something else. Something that feels wrong only because it's so unfamiliar, and in that moment you realise you're happy. "

" Happiness comes in many forms. In the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dreams come true, or in a promise of hope renewed. It's alright to let yourself be happy, because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be. "

Season 4 of One Tree Hill had been so light hearted and enjoyable to watch! Its sucha great show and everyone should watch it! ( you can find those episodes on youtube! =D )

2007-01-25T16:06:00.002+08:00

Sigh, today must be one of the lowest point in my life. Throughout my 2 years experience in wearing contact lens, i've always had problems with it, But i'd always brush it off as i seldom wash my contact lens in the past. I started to changed for the better since the 2nd half of 2006 and started washing my contact lens regularly every single day if i could.

Lately, my contact lens kept driving me crazy by irritating my eyes like hell to the point of i tearing throughout the entire day. I went to the optician to make a new pair of specs today as i had slept with my previous specs and had accidentally crushed it into pieces (-_-)
Since i was there to make new specs, i figured, why dont i let the optician check my eyes and c if theres any problem with it. At that point of time, I didnt think the problem would be that serious.

I was shocked and in a total confused state of mind as he told me the condition in which my eyes are in. He said something like, the upper eye lid of ur left eye had some bumps on it and thats likely to be the reason why your contact lens always move up and down when u blink. Your right cornea is slightly injured and it will require at least 2 weeks for it to be fully recover. And in this 2 weeks, u will not be able to see clearly with your right eye. But the worst part was yet to come. He continued " You will have to wear your specs for the next 2 whole weeks. And even after the 2 weeks, you can only wear contact lens for at most 3 times a week. Lastly, this will have to go on for at least the next few years. =(

I know this aint much of a big deal to most people as they can just switch to specs and carry on with their daily life. But it IS a big fat deal to me. I always had a problem with my self esteem since young. Since secondary 2, i had been trying my best to look good as i always thought this may be the easiest and fastest way to gain self esteem ( though many people had been telling me that whats important is the person within you ). Contact lens had really played a major role in my attempt of making myself look good as much as i can. I really cant imagine the YEARS i have to endure wearing specs or the mere thought of wearing specs EVERY single day for at least the next 2 weeks. I even thought of ponning sch for the next 2 weeks though i know that thats a really dumb thing to do. Sigh. And the fact that i can blame no one but myself for all this just made it even harder for me to accept. IF only i had taken better care of my eyes and my personal hygiene, none of this will happen at all. Man, i guess i just have to accept this fact as soon as possible and make do with it. Time to start looking like a damn nerd once again. Damn it. Life just sucks big time. =(((((

2007-01-22T20:10:00.000+08:00

WOAH! its been sooooooooooooooooooooooo long since i last updated my blog and even im shocked by how long i didnt post a single entry at all. And this is despite the fact that im online almost every single day. HA. I guess i just got lazy at one point or another that i cant really be bothered to update my blog. I bet no one reads my blog anymore, though i doubt i had any readers to begin with. But oh well, this blog will be a place where i can channel my inner frustrations and rantings, so i will continue to post new entries whenever i can on my life =D

Its been the start of a whole new year for me. The start of this year, the orientation, was really horrible for me and the other retainees. We felt eyes on our backs no matter where we walk to around the school. It was terrible. And for the first time in my life, i WISHED dearly that school will start soon, where tutorials and lectures will finally began. However, as the first 2 weeks were all crappy lectures, i ended up going home at like, 10 to 11am every single day? ha. Its been around 3 days since the normal timetable had begun. Things are going real smoothly. Much much better than i ever expected. I was expecting the class to look at me as though i was some 2 headed, 3 legged freako with 10 eyes or something -.-" But luckily for me, i didnt had anything like that from them. In fact, majority of them were friendly and easy to talk to. And i sure hope that after the 1st 3 months, most of them will be staying in sajc and perhaps be in the same class again. =)

Anw, been catching up episodes of One tree hill season 4 and the OC season 3. AND! i gonna post some really really meaningful phrases that touches deep into your heart and worth spending some time thinking about it. So here it goes,

Have you ever had a dream that seems so real
When you woke up,
you didnt know what to believe?

What would u do if what you thought was true,
Wasnt
And what u thought wasnt true,
Was

Would u retreat into your dreams with the hope of
finding a more perfect reality?

Sometimes, life is stranded in a dream
And the only way to wake up is to face what lies are hidden in your souls

And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection
that you are not alone

Kinda meaningful isnt it? =)

Anw, heres a song called "Wait For Love" by a singer called Matt White for the show One Tree Hill =D

Wait For Love

Its like a quarter to 3
And i just cant sleep
Cause im thinking of you

And all those times we cried
Did we really try
Now im dreaming and blue

No matter where, we say goodbye
I'll tell u baby, keep your head high.

I'll wait for love,
I'll wait for you,
I'll wait for love,
I'll wait will you?

When times are hard.
I think of you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait for love

And looking in my eyes,
No more telling lies.
Asking too much of you.
And when u kiss my lips,
Love is what i miss.
Not knowing we'd be through.

No matter where, we say goodbye.
I'll tell u darling, I wont cry.

I'll wait for love
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait, will you?

When times are hard.
I think of you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait for love

Your eyes still gaze at me,
Through pictures
You could just be the one that got away,
I looked down at the phone, its the number
Too many times a day.

I'll wait for love
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait, will you?

When times are hard.
I think of you.
I'll wait for love,
I'll wait for love.

Man this song is so addictive that i been listening to it for 2 straight days. Those who wanna listen to this song after reading the lyrics, pm me on msn k! i will send it to ya asap =D

2006-12-22T03:49:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered what marks or timing?

With one life can really make an impact on the world
Of the choices we made that matter

I believe they do
and i believe that one man can change many lives
For better or worse

2006-12-05T13:46:00.000+08:00

man! i finally got the answer to my question. It wasnt exactly what i wanted it to be, but nevertheless, i feel...more or less relieved rather than hurt. At least i finally know the answer to my question. Rather than speculating throughout the whole hols on how she feels about me. She said we can still be friends, really gd friends in fact. Well, its not like i do not want to be friends with her after getting rejected, but still! i need some time to get over it before we can be real friends. Being the understanding person she is, I am sure u will understand yeah? (though shes always so blur and ignorant -.-"). But well, lets be really really gd friends after i get through this "trauma" k! Man, this is the first time i ever confessed to a gerl like this, and very likely, the last time i will be doing the same thing again. As the saying goes, "once beaten! twice shy!"...and so...oh well, time will tell, i guess =)

anw on a side note, man dude, i am sorry i ever doubted you man. After a night of pondering and pondering over certain issues, i came to a conclusion that. Even if what i suspected is true! EVEN IF ...it doesnt really matter does it? What matters is, how much i trusted you. And i am really sorry to say that, i didnt trusted you that much after all. Its not like i do not want to trustyou at all, its just that. Sometimes, after being betrayed too many times before, it aint always that easy to learn how to trust someone again. And for that, i am sorry. I hope we still can be friends? Though the possibliity aint tat high, but still, i really hope u can forgive my insecurity and the lack of trust i had for you.

Anw, the day started off on a really terrible note. I woke up at 12pm as usual, and i proceed to turn on my laptop which was beside my bed. AND TO MY HORROR! i could not access my wireless network. And damn it! i tried restarting my laptop over and over again, for like 10 over times. AND IT DIDNT WORK. Then i gave up trying, and went into my study room, and decided to tinker around with my...ehrm...i tink modem! and i switch it on and off for like 3 times. And i went back to my laptop which was in my room! Luckily for me! my internet connection was finally established and i am here now, typing out this entry. hahaha. Today will be another dry day at home, or i may go out for a game of basketball lata in the late noon. Oh well, have a great day everyone! toodles =)))

2006-12-04T00:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, it comes to a point when, even though you badly dont wanna give it up without a fight, you realise its totally pointless to carry on. And thats, the point i am at now. The point in which you feel like crap, worthless, and totally bummed out. Shes someone i just know recently, someone that when i first saw her, i knew that, shes the one! she is the one! yeah. And so that was what i thought it was. The feeling was there, everything was perfect. We got off to a gd start, i talked to her, and she talked to me, and it was like the very few times in which i can talk so freely to someone the opposite sex. I aint determining shes the one for me just base on that of course, but then, that was something i thought. "Yeah, its worth it, its something i wanna go for".
But alas, usually in my life, things that got off to a flying start, usually end off in a really sad and sorry note. And its the same this time round. Things began to just get totally screwed up, nothing seems right, and i even! even had convo block online. I hardly get that at all, unless i talk to people i really detest or have totally no common point of interest at all. Sigh. I shall give myself a few more days or maybe a week. And try my very best, all my effort, to forget about her. Its gonna be really hard and tough, but i know, i will pull through...

I have to..

And i realise i been blogging like 4 times today, and its like 1 plus am right now. And i aint feeling sleepy at all. I guess theres too much on my mind right now to fall asleep on my bed just lik e that. Well, i guess i will go play dota till my mind just go completely shut. Good night everyone. Toodles.

2006-12-03T14:47:00.000+08:00

" Say what u will about the ravages of sports in these corporate age where overpaid athetles expect predominant treatment but there is still something so unifying about sports in its purest form, when athetles rise above themselves and touch greatness and in doing so remind us all that we also have greatness inside of us. "

When i heard these sentences as i watch my favourite show of one tree hill season 4, i was really touched man. It was an indescribable feeling that made my heart beat even faster as i heard it. It may sound so darn exaggerated but its all so true. Anyway, this episode of one tree hill was so touching that it almost cause me to tear after watching the really dramatic and emo parts of this episode. While watching the Ravens battling it out in the state championship, overcoming their initial differences, their fears, and fighting hard to prove to their love ones that they too can create history, was really emotional. It was by far the greatest episode of one tree hill season 1-4 ever. Since it was such an inspirational episode, i decided to post it on my blog and share with u peeps reading my blog. Enjoy the show. =)

and on a side note, i AM still missing her. Even as i play dota and all, trying to divert my thoughts away from her. Arggg. I sure hope its only a minor, really small crush so i can get over it soon. Man. i sure hope thats the case. =S

2006-12-03T14:44:00.002+08:00

One Tree Hill season 4 Episode 9 pt. 4

2006-12-03T14:44:00.001+08:00

One Tree Hill Season 4 Episode 9 Pt. 3

2006-12-03T14:44:00.000+08:00

One Tree Hill Season 4 Episode 9 Pt. 2

2006-12-03T14:43:00.000+08:00

One Tree Hill Season 4 Episode 9 pt.1

2006-12-03T12:06:00.000+08:00

ahhh!!! I MISS HER! >.<

man...this feeling just sucks...arggg =S

2006-12-03T01:00:00.000+08:00

Just came back from the combined SFC and SFC camp...hmm...it turned out to be really fun and all...met many new friends...had a great time trying out new activities...and i finally conquered my fear of repelling! or is it emsailing...watever the spelling is...its the activity in which u sort of hmmm...crawl down from 3 storeys high or something? I didnt dare to try this activity out during my days in ncc...but that was a little different as the ncc repelling station was like 5 storeys high or something? hahahaha...yeah...i am a wuss k...but i just didnt dare to do it...oh well...=x

Am still feeling the after-effects of such a tiring camp that i slept like 10 hours plus plus a day for like 2 straight days...this is certainly an astonishing feat as i hardly sleep like 2 to 3 hours a day during the hols? hahahaha...and on the other hand...i am feeling really disappointed, bitter...maybe even a little pissssed off...over some really stupid and childish reason tat even i am too embarassed to say it out here...oh well...but tat person really mean alot to me...ahhh...i guess i will just have an early night today...oh well...toodles

2006-11-18T20:48:00.000+08:00

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes
Somewhat small
like when we do bad things
for a good reason

Somewhat bigger
like when we let down our friends

Some of us escape the pain of regret
by making the right choice

Some of us have little time for regret
because we are looking forward to the future

Sometimes we have to fight to
come to terms with the past

And sometimes we bury our regret
by promising to change our ways

But our biggest regrets
are not for the things we did
but for the things we didnt do
Things we didnt say
that could have save someone we care about
Especially the most concealed darkest storm inside of their way

Most of us would have encounted these problems
At some point of our life
But the most important thing is
What did you do?
Did u choose to look ahead to whatever new challenges life may throw at at you with renewed confidence after certain setbacks in life?
Or did u choose to dwell in your own world, shutting yourself away from ur friends, people who care about you?
No matter how bleak the future may be at that point of time, things will always get better at the end,

Like it always do =)

2006-11-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

White & Nerdy

2006-11-13T17:38:00.000+08:00

OMG man. This song is so damn nice! I cant help listening to this song over and over again. It is damn addictive. Even the music video on youtube that i found is so damn hilarious. You guys have to watch it! =D

White and Nerdy by Weird Al Yankovic

They see me mowin' my front lawn
I know they're all thinkin; I'm so
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I wanna roll with the gangstas
But so far they all think I'm too
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Really, really white and nerdy

First in my class here at MIT
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
M.C. Escher, that's my favourite M.C
Keep you're 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin, to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library

My Myspace page is all totally pimped out
Got people begging' for my top eight spaces
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a wiz a Minesweeper, I could play for days
Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed
My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze

There's no killer app I haven't run (run)
At Pascal, well I'm number one (one)
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat, but i am smoldering gun (what?)
Happy Days is my favourite theme song
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon

Here's the part i sing on...

You see me roll on my Segway
I know in my heart they think I'm
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I'd like to roll with the gangstas
Although it's apparent I'm too
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
How'd I get so white and nerdy

I been browsin', inspectin' X-men comics
You know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect them
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have u R-O-T-F-L-O-L

I got a business doing websites ( websites)
When my friends need some code, who do they call?
I do HTML for 'em all
Even made a homepage for my dog, yo
I got myself a fanny pack
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap
Spend my nights with a role of bubble wrap
Pop, pop- hope no one sees me gettin' freaky

I'm nerdy in the extreme
Whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and glee club
And even the chess team
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was " Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?"
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Fair
Got my name on my underwear

They see me strollin', They're laughin'
And rollin' their eyes cause I'm so
White and nerdy

Just because I'm white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
All because I'm white and nerdy
Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy

I wanna bowl with the gangstas
But oh well, It's obvious I'm
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

Listen and watch that video k! =D

2006-11-12T02:14:00.000+08:00

hey ppl! sorry for not updating my blog for a really longgggggggggggggggg time. Nothing interesting nor exciting had been happening in my life lately and i cant really be bothered to update on those nifty grity boring details of my life. hahaha. Just had another extremely fun outing with my class recently, and man, i gonna miss them like hell next year. But ohwell, nothing can be changed anymore and i had slowly but surely accepted that fact. You guys had made an impact on my life and nothing will ever change that. Thats something i can promise you guys. =) and i am much better now. Thanks everyone =). and qijun, i aint selling siewmai or whatsoever alright? lols. anyway heres something that i wanna share with you peeps out there. Here goes :

When life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness
Who would you choose to face it with
Will it be someone you trust
Will there be lies
And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light
Or will they lose their way in the darkness

Will they make noble choices
Or will that person be someone untested
Someone new

Life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness
When it does
Is there someone in your life you can count on
Someone who will watch over you
When you stumble and fall
And in that moment
Give you the strength to face ur fears
Alone

Pretty meaningful words worth pondering over,
Dont you think so? =)))

2006-10-28T21:43:00.000+08:00

Its really hard for me to get to used to things in my life and once i get used to it, its extremely hard for me to let go.

Sigh.

Its too late for regrets now, but still, i cant help wondering what will it be like if i studied real hard for that month and manage to get myself promoted. Maybe i wont be in such a dilemma now. Oh well, i gotta get my act together, and mug a little during this hols. I will make up for the time lost by working real hard next yr! yeah!!! wish me luck people. I need it =D

~toodles

2006-10-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

" Have you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the back ground?
It makes you wonder how many strangers has pictures of you.

How many moments of other people lives we had been in,
Were we a part of someone's life when their dreams came true?
Or were we there when their dreams died.

Did we keep trying to get in like we are somehow destined to be there?
Or did the shot took us by surprise.

Just think, You could be a big part of someone's life
And not even know it. "

Beautiful yet haunting phrases of words aint it? =)

2006-10-27T08:28:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was 26th of Oct, the last day of school. School was boring as usual and the class had a class outing right after school and it was with the usual clique I always hang out with =) We headed down to food for lunch and we went to cine to catch our movie " Death or Alive". And the movie sucks. Shant elaborate about the details but for those people who expects a decent plot while watching your show, DOA isn't the movie for you. Throughout the whole movie, it was all fighting, fighting AND fighting. zZZ. As quoted from nigel who was half snoring beside me, " I could have slept through the whole movie" lawl =x After the movie, we went straight home as we were all toooooooooo exhausted. But nevertheless, the outing was great and I had fun =D

Its final. I had been retained. It didn't came as a surprise to me as I simply didn't put in enough effort and time into studying for all my exams. No matter how hard I try to push myself to study, there simply wasn't enough motivation to push me forward.

Many people came up to me and almost all told me that I had wasted 1 wholeeeeeeeeee year where I could been studying in poly or even promoted to j2 if i had studied hard enough.
But to all those people who told me that, you are wrong =) Throughout this whole year, I experienced many ups and downs. This year would have been a whole year wasted if it wasn't for my class, 06s28 =) .

For me, o6s28 is the best class I had ever been in. Throughout the year, we had our fair share of arguments, "fights" but we also had our fun, joy and laughter together. This was the first time I had felt so accepted in the class, and felt that I am a part of this class. Thanks to all of u guys who had made my stay in the class so enjoyable.

To the guys,

Zhentang: You are always the joker of the class. Constantly smiling and joking. I will never forget your cold jokes and pick up lines and the times we laughed together over the lamest joke ever. =)

Nigel: When I first know you, I though you were extremely tactless with your words as such you offended many people in the class by your words. But as I get to know u better, I found out that you aint tat bad after all. Your tactlessness is just the result of you being honest and straightforward in whatever u think or say, which is good as theres no need to hide anything from you when I am sharing stuff with you as I know that I will get your very blunt but hopefully helpful suggestions. Study hard for the next year alright? You know u can achieve better results than what u are scoring now =)

Matthew: Among all the guys in the class, you are the closest to me. ( sorry for sounding gay =x ) We shared problems relating crushes, girlfriends, friends, studies. You are 1 of the most good natured guy I know and I dont think I ever seen you blow your top throughout this whole year. I will definitely miss the times when we point out any hot girls in school and discuss openly about what makes tat girl so hot. HAHAHA. =D Dont forget to ask me out for mahjong sessions even after i leave the class k? =)

Joshua: Honestly, I was rather reluctant to befriend you as I had heard of many rumours and stuff about u from my other friends who knew u during the first 3 months. But luckily for me, I didnt really bothered about those rumours as I wanted to know for sure what kind of guy u really are. And boy, am I glad that u proved me wrong. You are a great guy to hang around with and thanks for listening to the craps I had to say outloud after a shitty day in school. =D

Vincent: I dun really know you that well yet because of certain misunderstandings that went on in the class throughout almost this whole year. But I find that u are a okay guy just like any other guys in the class. I hope u will have a better time next year with the class.

To the some of the girls.

Munling: Among all the girls in the class, I am the closest with you. =) Thanks for being there for me all the time to lend a listening ear to all my troubles. Thanks for simply being there when I needed someone to be there for me. Gf, Some things in life there wasnt meant to be yours, will never be. You got to look ahead and forget about the past alright? In that way u will be a much happier person. Cherish the happy times and forget all the unhappy times alright? =)

Meifang: PMS! hahahaha =) You are one of the fittest girl i know and your stamina can even beat some of the guys in the class. Like matthew, you have the mildest temper and i never once seen u lose your temper in class. And your non-stop giggling when u are drunk is so damn hilarious man. Stay jovial and cheerful always okay? =)

QIJUN: LOL. You are 1 of the funniest girl in the class and I had never failed to laugh at your crazy antics and outbursts in the class. Even a slight twitch on your face, or just putting your hands on your waist in a " I am SOOOOO PISSED" manner just sent the class into uproars of laughter all the time. hahahahaa. Things that u said such as when u were drunk, "where got bouncer so skinny 1!", "I gonna call my dad to sue you!", "bouncer, i gonna bounce u around!", and "yi tong looks like goooooong what!" will always be rememebered by me =p

Jasmin: ahahaha...you are the joker of the class just like zhentang. Your madass actions, and laughter never failed to lighten up the class when the lessons gets too dry and boring. And 1 thing i have to mentioned is that, your basketball skills are imbal man! XD Continue to strive hard in basketball and dont forget to study hard too k? =)

Jolyn: Bangra! hahahahaha...thanks for always being there to listen to what i have to say. =) i will never forget the silly faces that u like to flash at me or should i say to everyone in the class. hahaha...Cya in the same class next yr =)

To Belinda, Zhang cheng, Xiuhui, Eunice, Zhiqi, Wanling, Theresa, Clara, Zhien, Wanling, Christel, Fadilah and Yingjia. Thanks for simply being part of my life in the class. I will never forget all of you girls =)

Miss sunarfa: I dont really wanna get into trouble all the time. Just that, i dunnoe why trouble always comes knocking on my door. I noe this isn't a very good excuse for getting into troubles with all the teachers. But i will never ever give u any trouble anymore so yeah. Sorry for putting my shit into your shit hole k. lawls. =D

This year had been a very eventul and fulfilling year for me. Even up till this point of time, i never really regretted not studying hard for this whole year. But the one thing that will haunt me for a very very very long time is being unable to progress together with the class to j2 next yr. sigh. I guess this will be the biggest ever regret in my life. But no matter where i am, which class i may be next yr, 06s28 will be the greatest class ever. Although my name will be erase from the class register next yr, and perhaps as time to come, i may be forgotten as a former member in the class, but all the beautiful memories i had of this class, all the memorable times i spent with the class will forever be etched deep in my heart. Thanks a million guys. Good luck for your A levels next year. Take care. =)))

I LOST MY FRIENDSTER ACCOUNT

2006-10-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

OMG WTF BBQ!!! my beloved friendster account since 2005...HAS MYSTERIOUSLY VANISHED! I was trying to log into my friendster account as usual, BUT I JUST CANT SEEM TO LOG IN EVEN AFTER SEVERAL TRIES. FUCK IT MAN. ARGGG! All my testimonials, friends, messages...man, i am praying real hard that i will be able to log into my friendster account the next morning. OR ELSE...AHHHHHHHHH! nvm...what a way to end of a sunday night. Sorry for posting such a agasty first blog post. But i just had to vent out my frustrations. Good luck for all those people having their oral presentation dry run tomorrow. Good night everbody.

The Start

2006-10-20T21:22:00.000+08:00

Testing Testing